The Rubin Sandwich


Zach B., Reporter

     The most kosher sandwich of all time is called the Reuben sandwich. It consists of pastrami, sauerkraut, and a secret ingredient that the creator, Dr. Rubin, won’t share with us. Because Dr. Rubin won’t share the secret ingredient, many people question the kosher-ness of the sandwich. However, these people’s concerns are not legitimate because the sandwich has a hechsher, the Ò (OR). This hechsher, although questioned by the Reform and Conservative movements, is accepted by the Orthodox community, as it stands for ‘Orthodox Rabbi’. 

      If you’re looking for a place to acquire the Reuben sandwich, the best place to look is the Jewish History office. However, you must not ask Dr. Rubin for it because he doesn’t like to admit that he invented it. To prove that he is not the creator of the sandwich, he brings up that his last name is spelled differently. However, we at Kol BT snuck into the FBI and found documents proving that he legally changed the spelling of his name just days after the sandwich was created. But if you don’t want to go to the Jewish History office, you can go to the regular history office. However, the only teacher who knows the secret ingredient is Mr. Bosley. This is because he was once at an Orioles game with Dr. Rubin and the Orioles got clobbered, so Dr. Rubin felt the need to bond with Mr. Bosley by telling him the secret ingredient. Therefore, if you ask any of the other teachers in the history department for the sandwich, they will give you a regular pastrami sandwich without the secret ingredient. They don’t have the secret ingredient, the Ò(OR) didn’t certify it as kosher, so only eat it if you follow Reform, Conservative, or Christian rules. Just to be clear, don’t show this article to Dr. Rubin because he still thinks the sandwich is secret.